I've Got Chocolate!
by RMP
Summary: Harry, Ron, and Hermione are forced to overthrow Voldemort's evil plan to kill Harry and from there destroy Hogwarts. (Contains Mr. Sir from Holes)


This is my odd fic that expresses just how insane, and bored, I can be.  
And, um, I guess you could say there's a little slash, but no making out or anything of the sort.  
OH! Also, I do not own Harry Potter, or, sadly, Ron Weasley. But that's okay. I can fantasize. **  
Ginny stared out the window. Suddenly, Draco appeared behind her.  
"I.. need to ask you something," Draco said dramatically.  
"No, Draco, I WILL NOT marry you!" Ginny yelled in fury.  
"I wasn't going to ask that. Oh, ew, DO YOU LIKE ME?" he asked.  
"Nope. What do you want?"  
"Just wanted to say that.. um.." Draco blushed, he couldn't think of a coverup, since Ginny already answered his question, "I.. just wanted to say that.. YOU'RE UGLY!" he ran off, his face redder than Ginny's hair, which was actually orange.  
  
Meanwhile, over in some random corner in some random house, Voldemort plotted Harry's demise with his great buddy, Mr. Sir. Mr. Sir had no idea who Harry was, but he was serving his community service with Voldemort.  
"So we'll hire one of those.. um.. bulldozer guys and get him to drop a bulldozer thing on him, and no more Harry!" Voldemort clapped his hands together in excitement.  
"Yes. Then can we make him dig a five foot hole?" Mr. Sir asked.  
"No, silly. He'll be dead!"  
Mr. Sir frowned sadly.  
"Can we make his friends dig a hole?!" he asked.  
"Sure, fine, whatever. Just kill Harry first!"  
  
Back in the library, Hermione was trying to teach Ron the basics of their upcoming Defense Against the Dark Arts test. She was failing, as Ron was more concerned with drawing little squiggly lines on Pansy Parkinson's face.  
Pansy squeaked in delight.  
"Oh, Ron, you're so DREAMY! Why didn't I ever notice you before?"  
Hermione hit Pansy with her book.  
"He's MINE!"  
"MINE!"  
"MINE!"  
"RAFEEGOL!" Pansy screamed.  
"Okay, you win," Hermione said sadly.  
  
Back to Voldemort and Mr. Sir.  
Voldemort had called every bulldozer he could find, but each hung up after he screamed "I NEED TO SEE A MUGGLE BULLDOZER FOR SOMETHING NONMAGICAL RELATED!"  
So Voldemort came up with a different plan, involving unknowing muggles. Of course, Mr. Sir was oblivious, not knowing what muggles were, and kept talking about digging holes.  
  
Harry was meditating in his secret closet, when suddenly Dumbledore burst in his secret closet.  
"HARRY! WE'VE BEEN INVADED! BY MUGGLES!"  
Harry gasped. He thought all muggles saw was a big shack where Hogwarts was.  
Dumbledore pushed him into a hall teeming with muggles. Ron and Hermione were already waiting for him.  
"I'M BUYING IT!"  
"NO ME!"  
"I AM!"  
"I'M TURNING THIS SHACK INTO A MANSION!"  
"NOT IF I DO FIRST!"  
The muggles continued to scream at each other. Most were rolling on the floor, biting and scratching.  
"Oooogh," Ron said disgustingly, "The muggle world disgusts me."  
"Whatever shall we do?" Hermione asked.  
But Harry already had a plan. He whispered it in Hermione and Ron's ear. Hermione flicked her wand, and all three of them held a bar of chocolate. They took a deep breath.  
"I'VE GOT CHOCOLATE!!!!" they screamed, and ran out of the castle and in different directions. The muggles stopped fighting, stuck their tongues out, drooled, and ran after them.  
"They've got RABIES!" Ron screamed to no on in particular.  
  
Later, after all the muggles sat in their homes happily chewing chocolate, Ron, Hermione, and Harry walked into the castle, out of breath.  
To their surprise, Voldemort stood there, smiling.  
"Harry.."  
"AHHH! Don't touch me!" Harry screamed.  
"Harry! I just want some chocolate!" Voldemort asked, crying pitifully.  
"Well why didn't you say so?" Harry handed Voldemort a bar of chocolate and comforted him.  
Voldemort sniffed.  
"I love you, Harry," he said.  
"REALLY? I love you too!" Harry said excitedly.  
Harry and Voldemort grabbed hands and skipped out of this page, which caused the whole book to eat himself. So everybody died. Except me. You know why?  
Cause I wrote this! ** Well. That's the end. Just a short little thing I wrote out of boredom. I know it's stupid. No need to tell me. Oh, and the end. I had that Weird Al song Albe-I-Can't-Spell-It stuck in my head where he says "And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody DIED. Except me. You know why?" So PUH! 


End file.
